Brazilian football glossary - a *must-have* guide to futebol brasileiro

Going to Brazil? Planning to watch World Cup matches in Brazilian bars in the UK? Just interested in football? I have compiled a glossary of Brazilian football terms with English translations and pronunciation guide. Knock yourselves out!

*Update: Brazilian friends have added stuff to the list.

Chuveirinho (shoo-vay-ree-nio) - the way Brazilians say the English play. High passes straight onto the box. Potentially lethal for the short-arses in the Brazilian defence.

Onde a coruja dorme (ohn-day ah co-roo-jah door-may) - "where the owl sleeps". That corner spot of the goal where keepers can't reach - usually where Rooney's free kicks land.

Caneta (cah-nay-tah) - When you pass the ball between your opponent's legs.

Drible da Vaca (dree-bleh dah vah-cah) - the cow dribble or "half moon". When you knock the ball to one side of your opponent and run to the other side.

Lençol (len-sol) - when you kick the ball over your opponent's head and get it back on the other side.

Some terms and expressions:

Impedido (eem-peh-dee-dow) - off-side

- We would normally shout TÁ IMPEDIDO! (He's off-side!)

Falta (fahl-tah) - foul

Juiz (joo-eez) or árbitro (ah-bee-trow) - referee. Pictured is Brazil's  iconic late "Juiz Margarida". Because football and camp are one.

Bandeirinha (bahn-day-ree-nia) - assistant referee (literally "little flag")

Escanteio (es-cahn-tay-oo) - corner kick

Tiro de meta (tee-roo deh meh-tah) - goal kick

Pelada (peh-lah-dah) - this is a tough one. We usually shout it at the telly when it's a very low quality game. For instance, Milwall v Brighton would probably be considered a "pelada".

Bola (baw-lah) - football

Trave (trah-vay) - goal post

Travessão (trah-vay-saun) - bar

Gramado (grah-mah-doo) - pitch

Penalti - you know this one. Though also referred to in Brazil as PEEEENALIDADE MAAAAAXIMA (paaaaay-nah-lee-dah-dee maaaaaaah-see-mah). Depends on the commentator.

Tá no filó (tah know fee-loh) - our equivalent to "in the back of the onion bag" or, according to Alan Partridge, "back of the net". More likely to be heard TAAAAAAA NOOOO FILOOOOOO!

Pipoqueiro (pee-pow-kay-roo) - basically, Neymar. That thing he does when there's a manly challenge and he jumps then falls down, when he could have just carried on. Juninho (formerly of  Middlesborough) another famous Brazilian "pipoqueiro".

Teatro (tee-ah-trow) - ostensibly faking an injury. Rivaldo graduated magna cum laude on this subject.

Apito (ah-pee-too) - whistle

Apito final (ah-pee-too fee-nahl) - final whistle

Primeiro tempo (pree-may-roo tempo) - first half

Segundo tempo (say-goon-dow tempo) - second half

Intervalo (inter-vah-low) - break

Prorrogação (pro-ho-gah-saun) - extra time

Taça (tah-sah) - cup

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL - Goal

Now the basics. Football positions:

Goleiro (Go-lay-roo) - goal keeper

Zagueiro (zah-gay-roo) - Defender

Lateral esquerdo (lah-teh-rahl ish-kerr-doo) - left winger. Remember Roberto Carlos?

Lateral direito (lah-teh-rahl djee-ray-too) - right winger, obvs. Cafu will forever be my favourite.

Volante (voh-lan-tee) - centre midfield

Meio-de-campo (Mayo-dee-com-pow) - midfielder

Ponta (pon-tah) - winger

Centroavante (cen-trow-ah-vahn-teh) or atacante (ah-tah-cahn-teh) - striker

If you have any suggestions or would like to see more stuff translated, please let me know below.

Scotland, in the words of KC & The Sunshine Band: PLEASE DON'T GO

I have no idea what the Better Together campaign are trying to do, but I do know I don't like Alex Salmond's and the SNP's stance.

Sadly, the message from the "no to independence" camp so far has been confusing and a tad bit patronising. You would think they would like to gain Scots' votes by showing them how important Scotland is to the Union - not the other way round - but what I've witnessed so far has been a barrage of ill-judged interferences by the UK Government, the latest being the Lego-Buzzfeed-wannabe-but-bloody-awful Cabinet Office listicle "press release".

Everyone has the right to think their country, after a long, troubled, not exactly joyous relationship, should take the opportunity to leave this Union. But allow me to try to change their minds.

I should open my argument by saying I'm not Scottish - heck, I'm not even British. However, I believe my foreign-ness allows for an interesting perspective on this issue.

Also, this post won't go into the nitty-gritty of politics. It's an emotional plea (because I love Scotland).

What I've learnt since moving to the UK, more than seven years ago, is that Scotland is a nation of proud, extremely proud, men and women. In a very good way. Their history is bloody and that pride has been stamped on by England many times throughout its course. Unhelpful? Don't worry, I'll get to the point.

Whatever the relationship has been between England and Scotland for donkey's years - I won't get into detail - the truth is, England doesn't have a monopoly on the Union. Without Scotland, the rest of us would be limping like a three-legged dog. Scotland has potential, a great people and an unrealised dream of more devolution. Now is the time to give the Scots what they want, but I sincerely hope that does not come in the form of independence.

I have many Scottish friends and acquaintances and, if they'll allow me, my message to all Scots is to hold their heads high and fight from within. Who cares how many holidays or hot dogs you can buy with UK Dividend? Seriously, forget about it. The most important thing is that you continue to tread a path of more devolution of powers - which is the right way to go - but also that you know that the United Kingdom would not be great and would not be strong without you. Highlanders and Lowlanders (I won't go into your internal disputes, promise), we love you. You are not the English (obviously), but neither are the Welsh and Northern Irish. You all add value to the English with your presence in the Union and vice-versa.

Do not let anyone tell you that being in an Union with the English diminishes you - it doesn't and you deserve that relationship to be equal and fulfilling for both sides. We are lucky to have you. Please think about all that when casting your vote in September.

So in the words of KC & The Sunshine Band, made even more famous by Double You:

Scotland,  PLEASE DON'T GO.

*Several versions of Please Don't Go were listened to during the making of this blog